back in the stirrups?

where to start with this post. it's a long one so hang in there. how about i give you the five cent tour of our infertility history. in order to keep from feeling insanely old, i'm leaving off the years for some of it. i won't be offended if you skip the bullet points and go straight to the heart of this post, but i felt like i needed to come of the IF closet and share our history with you all.

• got married and started on the pill that same year (i knew about ike's potential MFI from a childhood illness before we even got married)


• bought our first house and went off the pill so we could let whatever happened, happen


• waited 2 years (knowing about potential mfi)


• doc said to *try like a fertile myrtle* hence the name of my blog as i am NOT a fertile myrtle


• did hsg and all looks good - start temping and charting


• back to doc - still not pregnant


• celebrated five years of marriage by finding out that ike was diagnosed with azoospermia. we were devastated. we knew that there might be a problem, but this?!?


• same year we found a Resolve group. one of the best things that infertility ever did for us.


• spent time processing azoo/severe mfi. decided to just take a break.


• woke up one morning with massive pain on my right side. thought it was my appendix. nope. after a trip to the ER, we discovered it was an ovarian cyst that had ruptured. sent me to a new obgyn. had surgery. found out i was a stage 4 out of 5 with endometriosis.


• did six months of hell on earth, also known as lupron depot


• the next year my dad died of a massive heart attack. spent a year getting therapy for that.


• the next year ike was having health problems. ike went to a endocrinologist and found out he had a pituitary gland problem which was potentially causing his low testosterone and azoospermia.


• ike did TWO years of hormone therapy to see if he could produce sperm. that meant i gave him a shot in his tush every monday, wednesday, and friday. he deserves husband of the century for that!


• that didn't work. so we decided to try donor*sperm.


• before we got started i was checked out by the endocrinologist. guess what? i have pcos. oh crap! i'm a closet pcos chick because i ovulate and have regular cycles. but, all my blood work shows i am textbook pcos. lousy hormone levels, low progesterone leves, high insulin levels, etc.


• go on metformin and finally got me back in the groove


• did two donor iui's and they didn't work. of course it didn't help that we were in the process of him interviewing for the job he now has which meant a move of 500 miles. talk about bad timing and major stress!


• move 500 miles and after 8 months i make an obgyn appointment and she refers me to a RE. what a joke he was!


• decide to take a break. i was depressed after the move and felt i couldn't go through IF treatments without a support group here like i had in virginia.


• talk off and on about adoption.


• got diagnosed with pmdd. as if infertility and normal pms weren't enough!

the last dIUI we did was march of 2005. in that time we have talked adoption, but never talked about doing more IUI's.

fast forward to this past december. on december 23 last year i turned 39. yes, THIRTY-stinking-NINE! since then i've been letting thoughts rattle around in my head. like, if you're gonna have a kid then get to it! what are you waiting for?!?

so today i called ike on my way to work and asked if we could meet for lunch. we agreed to meet at my favorite mexican place. little did he know i was gonna pour my heart out to him. he totally deserves a medal for being the best husband ever today!

after talking, we decided that we are going to pursue doing more donor IUI's! just typing that puts a huge smile on my face!!!!!! while we are doing the treatments we are also going to pursue adoption agencies. not that i am expecting the iui's to fail, but i'm just trying to be realistic here. i'm 39 and ike is 44. we're no spring chicks any more. i don't want to wait until we get to the end of that road to start from scratch. i want to have an application in and an agency picked out in case the iui's don't work.

because of my pmdd and my anxiety i take lexapro. that is one of the drugs they don't like you to take when pregnant or trying to get pregnant. so i took step one. this afternoon i called to see if i could get in to see our doc/nurse practitioner to see about going off of it. they could take me today at 3:30! it was a great talk with my primary doc.

i also took step two. i called a friend here who is the only person i know here who has experienced if. she has an ivf toddler and a miracle surprise baby. she gave me her doctor's name. i called and left a message to make a new consult appointment. and yes, i'm smiling again as i type this.

we've got plenty more steps on this journey, but it's so nice to have a plan! and i'm so pround of myself for taking two HUGE steps to start the process!

and to commorate our big day, i added a charm to my pandora bracelet. the name of the charm is *journey* and i think it's a perfect way to mark the day!

if you made it all the way through this long, rambling post. well, thank you. one of the reasons i feel like i can make it through this next season of our infertility is because i have a great support group. Y*O*U!